The Witcher series of games is a fan favorite, partly for its immersive nature. It’s a masterful depiction of a fantasy world, rendered in exquisite detail. A large part of the realism of the game comes from its well-crafted characters that fans can’t get enough of seeing.
Most of these characters wear clothing that reflects their varied lives and roles on the Continent, but there are a few that just aren’t dressed for success. While the beauty of many of these costumes can’t be denied, what they are wearing can sometimes seem so divorced from the lives they lead that it can easily take the player out of the game.
10 Geralt’s Royal Attire
Geralt’s been around long enough that he’s savvy enough to know not to get too vulnerable around monarchs. That doesn’t prevent him from being ordered to shed his usual witcher gear in the presence of royalty. When he visits Vizima to have an audience with Emperor Emhyr var Emreis in The Witcher 3, Geralt finds himself being bathed, shaved, and barbered against his will (although he doesn’t seem to mind the bathing). He’s then forced into one of three black and white fancy dress tunics — none of which do any real protection, or even look as nice as his usual armor.
9 Keira Metz’s Unprotected Heart
It wouldn’t be totally accurate to call Keira Metz a friend, enemy, or lover of Geralt’s, but she’s certainly no stranger. For most of The Witcher 3, she’s hiding out from Radovid’s murderous witch hunters in the Velen countryside, clothed in colorful layers, approximately none of which cover her chest.
It’s not that Keira doesn’t look amazing, but granting such easy access to your throat and heart when there is a madman, with an army at his disposal, out to kill your kind seems like poor judgment. Keira also goes around barefoot, so she can’t even easily run away. Given one potential ending for Keira, exposing herself so carelessly to possible harm is a trait that goes beyond her clothing style.
8 Ciri’s Boots Are Not Made For Walking
Ciri is tough as nails, and as expected of a witcher’s protégé, she favors practical clothing that will protect her, while not restricting her movements. Except when it comes to her footwear in the Witcher 3, where Ciri unexpectedly opts for a chunky heel instead of something more practical. Ciri’s first scene as an adult in the game sees her tripping over some roots and taking a nasty tumble down a hill as she runs from her pursuers - somewhat embarrassing and unexpected for someone who trained by leaping back and forth across the tops of wooden posts while blindfolded. Given that the main storyline of the game centers on Ciri being constantly on the run, she really should have picked some boots she could actually run in.
7 Philippa Eilhart’s Uncomfortable Eye-Wear
Philippa Eilhart is a deeply powerful and manipulative sorceress who runs afoul of King Radovid in the excellent Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings. He viciously blinds her to punish her for her misdeeds against him and his father the former King Vizimir. It’s no surprise that in the follow-up game, she only appears with her ruined eyes covered. What is a surprise is her choice of eye covering. The thin band of cloth she wears across her face looks like it would put pressure right on her wounds, and certainly offers no protection.
6 Anna Henrietta’s Annoying Skirts
Anna Henrietta is the duchess and ruler of Toussaint, a wealthy self-governing southern state loosely under Nilfgaardian rule. She dresses extremely appropriately for this role, in ornate crowns and hairstyles, and fancy gowns with bejeweled bodices and full, trailing skirts.
But Anna Henrietta is not content to sit by and let Geralt have all the witchering fun. She insists on accompanying him on his investigations, and she herself finds her floor-length skirts ill-suited to these adventures. She literally rips the silk skirts off and hands them to a servant, telling him not to wrinkle them, before she goes riding off on horseback with Geralt. She may be a duchess, but Anna’s lifestyle seems more suited to clothing where wrinkles aren’t a concern.
5 Triss Merigold’s Alternative Choices
Triss Merigold is one of the characters with the most interesting backstories, inside the games and out. For the most part, Triss has her feet on the ground, which is why her alternative outfit in the Witcher 3 seems totally inappropriate, as pretty as it is.
Triss spends much of the Witcher series hiding from the murderous Radovid, who attempts to exterminate all magic folk from the Continent and has a special grudge against sorceresses in particular. Triss lives incognito in Novigrad, attempting to help her fellow magic-users escape before they fall victim to the Church of the Eternal Fire. Absolutely nothing about Triss’ alternative outfit is appropriate for hiding in plain sight or stealth missions to save other magical folks — not the exposed wide neck, not the trailing long skirts, and not the mini-skirt. The half-boot, half-flipflops she’s got on her feet make this outfit appropriate for only one thing — sitting.
4 Corinne Tilly’s Nightgown
When Geralt reaches Novigrad on his quest to find Ciri in The Witcher 3, he comes across Corinne Tilly, an oneiromancer — aka, a mage whose specialty involves visions while asleep. Corinne is one of the few magical women Geralt does not romance. Granted, if Corinne Tilly is spending most of her days sleeping, she should probably be wearing something comfortable. But Corinne also lives in Novigrad, possibly the biggest city on the continent, and the handful of rags she wears, with her neckline cut down to her navel and her skirt slit up to also her navel, seem out of place among the rest of the city dwellers. She also goes barefoot, which seems like a terrible choice in a city that is pre-indoor plumbing.
3 Johnny’s Godling Outfit
Johnny is a godling who lives in Crookback Bog. When it comes to costumes in the world of the witcher, it’s usually the women whose clothing leaves large swaths of their chests exposed to the elements, but Johnny defies this gender-specific costuming and goes without a shirt of any kind. He wears only what looks like a burlap sack wrapped around his waist, a red scarf, and a crown of branches. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with going topless, and godlings don’t typically wear much by way of human clothing, Johnny lives in a burrow deep in a fog-filled swamp full of monsters, next door to three evil witches with disturbing appetites. He could probably do with some decent armor.
2 Geralt’s Fancy French Frock
Geralt normally dresses practically for his role as a witcher, donning whichever set of armor is most powerful or appropriate according to the player. Rarely is he forced to dress in finery, and when it happens he makes it known that it’s certainly not his favorite.
In the Blood and Wine expansion pack to the Witcher 3, Geralt visits the duchy of Toussaint, a mostly peaceful independent state, known for its fine wines and civilized manners. These manners extend to fancy dress, and when Geralt must attend a ceremony in his honor with the ruling Duchess, Anna Henrietta, he wears a green and gold costume that not only seems hilariously out of place on him but looks so tight across his shoulders that it might rip at the first swing of his sword.
1 Dandelion’s Entire Look
Dandelion, or Jaskier, is a poet, Geralt’s best friend, and, somehow, a serial romancer. His poetic and musical skills must live up to his legend because otherwise, it is truly baffling how a man dressed in as ridiculous an outfit as Dandelion is managed to seduce so many exceedingly intelligent and stylish women on the Continent. Dandelion isn’t one for long romances either, and for a man who so often needs to disappear to avoid one or another of his supposed beloveds, wearing a heavily embroidered and embellished, head-to-toe fuchsia outfit doesn’t seem like the most inconspicuous choice.
NEXT: The Witcher: 5 Strongest Weapons In The Franchise (& 5 Weakest)
